November is such an emotional roller coaster for me. It is the time I start to get excited for the start of the holiday season. I often feel selfish having sad days this time of year, I have so much to be grateful for.
Anniversaries are usually thought of as fun and exciting, but not the one we have today. Four years ago today was the day my sweet mother passed away. I miss her so terribly. The past four years without her have been so hard, yet also such a growing experience. One I would never wish on anyone however. I can't imagine what my relationship with my dad or my sisters would be like without an event like this to pull us more tightly together. We lean on each other as our rocks through our hard days and have come to realize that everyday together is a gift.
Since it is Thanksgiving, I am so grateful for the 24 years I had to spend with her. Yet the selfish part of me is not satisfied with that...I want more. I think the hardest part is that I didn't truly appreciate her until she was gone.
I am so glad to have the knowledge of eternity. I teach in Primary that faith is believing what you can't see. I know she is watching over us, preparing our mansions in the Celestial Kingdom. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her. Everyday I try to live my best for her. I want for us to be together again so much! I named my baby after her so that when I look at Linda Claire I think of mom's sweet hands passing her through the veil. My sisters and I always ask each other, "What would mom say or do?" I am so glad to see some of mom in each of them. I watch myself raising Paige, who really has a personality much like my own growing up and it makes me only appreciate mom even more. I am so glad for the ways she has directed my life. She knew Steve was my eternal companion before I did. She raised me to be polite and proper and Christlike. She forced me to take those darn piano lessons for years, which pay off every Sunday.
My good friend Melissa and I were talking about this earlier this week (incidentally her father passed away three days after mom, Why didn't we know each other then?? We could have been so therapeutic for each other) We decided that the grieving process only gets harder. I find myself forgetting the sound of her voice and her contagious laugh. I miss all of her idiocyncrasies that drove me to ground myself from her! I miss her quirky advice and I miss her Misty Mauve fingernail polish. I miss the way she called me BrookieLynn. And I miss watching her love my babies. I miss our daily phone conversations about nothing. But most of all I miss her beautiful smile.
I LOVE YOU MOM! TODAY AND EVERYDAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!
If roses grow in Heaven, Lord please pick a bunch for me and place them in my mother's arms and tell her they are from me.
Tell her I love her and miss her, and when she turns to smile, place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for awhile.
Because remembering her is easy, I do it every day, but there’s an ache within my heart that will never go away.
10 comments:
Brooke, I just want you to know what a strong person I think you are. What a terrible thing you had to go through and yet you sound like it has made you a better person. I am sure your mom is so proud of you right now. She is beautiful and you look just like her!
Brookelet! I'm so sorry, I didn't know about your mom... darn all those years since high school. Your blog entry made me cry (pregnant women should not be allowed to read things like that!) and grateful for my mom. I also miss her terribly, only seeing her once or twice a year, but I realize I am blessed to still be able to hear her voice and get her uplifting emails. You are a rock! (And you really do look just like her.)
You don't know me...I am a friend of Marti Dumas' and so now I am a blog stalker-hope you don't mind. Love this post...my mom passed away almost 2 and a half years ago and I agree with EVERYTHING you wrote. Just thought I'd thank you for putting it so eloquently. It's so nice to know there are others who feel the same and know how I feel...Adrian Gatherum
Brooke,
You make my cry. Your mom is so beautiful- you look like her. It's so hard to loose the ones we love. It feels like forever on this earth, but in reality it is such a short time before we will see them again.
You are wonderful- luv ya tons.
Melissa
Ohhh, don't judge me from highschool. I was a big ugly brat! What is your maiden name and what year did you graduate? How funny that you now live by marti-she is great-anyways, I am sorry for your loss...it does suck so bad and your mom is so darling, much too young to be gone. How did she die? Oh, now I am so sad...well, it helps me to think of all the happy memories I have of her. By the way, you have a darling family! Adrian
oh and by the way, what Gatherum's do you know??? What a crazy world. I am sure they are related in some way to my husbands family, it's not too common of a name! Too funny. Hope you have a good night...Adrian
Brookie...your post was so beautiful. Your mom is wonderful. I know it is hard right now. We are all here for you!!
I don't know either of those Gatherum's but I am sure they are related somehow! Funny. My sister is your age, Karidee Thomas, did you know her? Well, I am glad I have gotten to know you through this fun blogging world! And, I know Molly as well...CRAZY and small world we live in huh? Have a great day!
I could not imagine loosing my mom! I think about it all the time, and I am sure that Heavelny Father keeps her here because He knows I would die! You are so sweet and have a great perspective on life. I am sure it will never be easier but the gospel brings a little peace! I am positive that she is with you and watches your life from a distance and sometime right beside you! My grandma was like my second mother, and when she died I was devistated! Mostly because I was 20 and I knew she would miss all the big moments of my life. I have felt her at everything! My wedding, Haley's birth, when Haley was diagnosed...everything. It won't change that she is not here, but I know she is watching over me and misses me too! I know your mom misses you too, and is around even when you may not feel her there. Thanks for being such a good friend!
Brooke, I found your blog through Tam's. I just wanted to say that I always loved your Mom too. I can't imagine being without mine and I hope you are doing ok. Lots of love to you all. We will always love her and remember her to well.
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